Keeping it private.

Strangely, the first person I texted was my second sister and we are not close. Subsequently I shared the happy news with my little sister. Till today, I wish she was the first person I had shared the news with! This was before we had seen the doc. Two weeks later, after the doc’s appointment, I informed an employer-to-be to make sure she was okay to work with a pregnant me.

Timmy and I then discussed when we would tell our folks and he decided he would tell the good news on Good Friday, 18 April. I didn’t know when and how I should tell my folks. Initially I felt a good time would be on my parents wedding anniversary but since we haven’t seen the doc by then, I decided l will tell when the opportunity presents itself.

I see my dad at grandma’s every Sunday and on one Sunday, he noticed that my grandma kept asking me if I was sick and why I was refusing dinner. When he drove us home that night, he asked if I was unwell and seen the doc. Timmy and I looked at each other and Tim told him the news. My dad was surprised and even clarified with me if what Timmy had just said was indeed true. He asked if my mum and grandma knew and I said no and told him not to tell anyone yet. But much later, I found out from my mum that dad had told her that very night.

I told my mum on my little sister’s birthday. I had seen the doc earlier that day and showed her the ultra sound images from that session. I shared the good news with my grandma on her birthday and she was so so glad and hugged and kissed me! By end May, the uncle and auntie whom I am close to were informed. My auntie even cooked a huge pot of chicken curry to celebrate the good news!

As for friends, Timmy and I didn’t discuss who and when we want to share the news with. As and when he shared with someone, he would tell me. For me, it didn’t occur to me to tell anyone. Perhaps I was busy with work and dealing with 1st trimester fatigue. But I suspect I felt it was not important or make any difference for anyone to know. Of course I was so happy and still am to know I am pregnant. I remember my heart would be and still is, so full of thanksgiving and I would and still tear at every church service reflecting on God’s faithfulness and goodness. And yes typically, people share good news with one another.

I guess I didn’t see how a friend knowing my happy news would make a difference to my pregnancy. Afterall, this is a journey I take with Timmy and God.

My stomach started growing and became obvious. And when I met friends casually for dinners, they saw the good news for themselves. Some asked why I didn’t tell earlier. Honestly I wanted to ask if it made a difference to them. But instead, I said its better to announce or in my case ‘show’ in person.

Our ex care-group leader and his wife asked a couple of times, to my annoyance, if we had shared the news with any of the members. We stopped going to the care-group end of last year and have occasionally met a few of them for meals this year. Perhaps we are not particularly close to any of them to share the news and pregnant belly wasn’t very obvious to do the honour itself. We recently met one of them for lunch and she was pleasantly surprised and I liked that she didn’t question or even ask why we didn’t share earlier. To me, I felt she was simply happy for us and nothing else mattered to her. Simple and genuine. Once, the care-group leader’s wife asked if she could share on our behalf. I was shocked at her suggestion and thanked her for her assistance but highlighted that it was only appropriate that we as parents-to-be share the news and we will as we are led to. I kept asking Timmy why we were being pressured to announce and he had no answer.

A while ago, an old school mate informed me that she had just given birth to her second child and not to be surprised by the news. But I was surprised not because I didn’t know earlier that she was pregnant. We haven’t been in touch for more than a year afterall. I was surprised at her good news as she didn’t seem keen in having another child when we used to meet up previously. And she started encouraging me to have my own kid so I decided I’ll let her know that I am pregnant.

I now remember I shared the news with two friends – Ashley and Sasi – via text. We were chatting about random stuff and then told them that I am pregnant. They were both happy and Sasi recently checked in with me to see how the baby and I were doing and to keep him informed once the bun is out.

As I write this, I sense I am somewhat digging deep; to know why I couldn’t care to tell anyone. I even turned down an invitation from a friend to hold a baby shower. Perhaps we have grown apart or rather we have become so busy with our lives and have no time for anything else that isn’t that important or on the same page as us. We have different purposes in life; it is no longer about exams or project deadlines or job interviews or who we are dating or our first home.

And honestly, I don’t know if motherhood/parenting will be that connecting link now. If relationships are based on topical or situational moments, or milestones, I don’t see the roots going deep.

A few weeks, on a rainy Saturday morning, Timmy and I sat at our void deck to enjoy the breeze. The rain was so refreshing after weeks of dry spell. I asked him about his 2015 wishes but he haven’t thought about it. For me, I told him, I want to wish for new friends; like minded and simple folks and preferably believers though I know not all believers can believe the same thing. I told him that perhaps we need a few good friends whom we can grow old with; walk alongside with Jesus in our midst. Sincere, open and happy folks who wish each other well. Roots that grow deep. I was quite surprised at what I was articulating to him that wet morning. I never thought this was of any importance to me as I was happy with who I was friends and acquaintances with and it never mattered if I didn’t meet anyone for months. There were also times when I don’t turn for gatherings as I didn’t feel like it.

I don’t know the reason for the sudden change. I can only conveniently blame it on the pregnancy hormones. Perhaps, I will sing a different tune when 2015 arrives. After all, who has time for friends when you have a baby.


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