A friend, either with good intentions or to tease, asked me if I wanted her eggs that were frozen somewhere in a lab. One of her eggs have proved to be fruitful. Do I have bad eggs? I don’t know. I never asked them. Not yet, at least.
An acquaintance, through another, wanted me to know of a TCM doctor, renowned for helping couples and her conceive. She suffered from irregular periods which she must have thought hindered her ability to conceive and received help to conceive. Do I suffer from irregular periods? No I don’t. In fact, they are too regular. Did I tell her I needed help? No. All I did was to say out loud in front of her and others during a cell group session that Timmy and I are praying for a baby; once in 2012 and another time in 2013. Just because there hasn’t been a manifestation of our prayer, do I need to see a Chinese doctor? I’m not sure but I believe she meant well.
When my period came two weeks ago, right on time, I thought perhaps I do need some help. Maybe a vitamin or two will do the trick. I started researching and decided on two brands that I could look at buying. But when I got to the mall, I couldn’t bring myself to buy ‘help’. I asked Timmy what he thought and he encouraged me to go with my heart. I walked away without ‘help’.
I have a bottle of folic acid. She was bought either in 2011 or 2012. From time to time, I remember her presence and have her before bed. I looked into her, the other day, to see how much more I have to go. I am almost done.
But I am not done with my desire.
It is easier for me to walk away; to protect me, Timmy and perhaps even our marriage. But, easy is not what I want, for now.
For the first time, Timmy and I seem serious about parenthood. We have gone from talking about having children to having sex. We have improved from once a year to once in a few months and now, twice in the ‘oh so important’ week. The last two months have been unfruitful. But guess what, we are having sex and this alone deserves a big applause. Whether, I will be a mummy or not, I am, first, a wife.
So, I am afraid I don’t need your eggs or a recommendation of a Chinese doctor.
When I hear of friends/acquaintances who want kids, all I do is pray for them and ask them to trust God. I do not point them to anywhere or anyone else.
And now, that is the only help I want.