how much is too much?

he doesn’t like it when I touch his mobile phone. he knows when I do, I’m most likely looking at his messages. he knows this as I do it in front of him. I don’t do it because I think he is keeping something from me. I don’t do it because I have nothing else to do. I don’t do it because I want to know everything that is going on with him.

maybe I do.

I don’t really know.

So the other day, I reached out to grab his phone as we were watching the television. He must have seen me looking his messages and asked me “why are you looking at my messages? it is work.”

So what if it is work related, I retorted. we are not competitors; we are not mr & mrs smith, I reasoned.

“But there are certain stuff that I keep.”

“stuff like what? We are husband and wife lei. Do you have secrets? I don’t like secrets. I don’t want someone to knock on my door with a big fat secret.” I could feel myself wanting to get dramatic.

“There are things you don’t need to know and doesn’t affect you. And I don’t want to explain to you why I do things in a certain way.”

I was going to get mad by then, I thought. But I knew what he meant. There are times when I question too much and then, there are times, I tell him how he should have handled something at work. But he knows I do it out of concern or at least l hope he does.

He said he needs privacy. I need openness, I told him.

“Do you want our marriage to be like your folks? They don’t seem to know what is happening with each other and I don’t know if that has helped them. You have said it yourself that your family doesn’t quite know what everyone is up to. Is this what we want for ourselves?”

I laid out my expectation that night – I need to know everything; everything that you can remember to tell me. To protect myself and to an extent, you. I want to know what you are going through at work; the good and the bad. I want to share my thoughts to help you see from another perspective because we think different. I want to be able to pray for you if you are facing challenges, at work or elsewhere. I want to help you. I want to encourage you. I want to be here for you.

“I give you time okay. I know it may take awhile to be change but I give you time.”

“You need to change also. You must give me some privacy.” he said.

I let that conversation end without winning. Perhaps he does need some privacy. Maybe it is a man’s pride. The less a woman know, the more powerful a man feels?

I ain’t got a clue.

But how much is too much? How much should a wife not know and know?

Perhaps it’s not what I know and don’t know. It’s my way of finding out that’s unappropriate.

We already talk about work and everything else over dinner, in bed, on the bus and in front of the television and in the elevator.

If certain things are left out, so be it. Ignorance is bliss, I heard.

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