an awesome combination.

earlier this year, over steaming dinner, my friend shared that she has decided to go for IVF. i tried my best to discourage her from going down this potentially painful, miserable and expensive route. her mind, however, was made up, given that she had tried everything which included TCM, temperature monitoring, vitamins, massage etc plus she had spare money and her boss/friend had just conceived via IFV.

she had been tossing with this idea for a while and mustered the necessary courage to go for it when she chanced upon a testimonial of a couple in church conceiving via IVF after years of trying. she saw it as a sign from the lord to go for it and i reminded myself that the lord can come to our level of faith.

she is now in her second trimester and by Chinese New Year 2014, she would have her miracle baby in her arms. she had success in her first attempt at IVF which is truly a miracle as we have both heard horror stories. her pregnancy so far has been smooth. she showed me some scans of her baby; made me tear a little.

i am happy for my friend. she tried everything she possibly could at becoming a mother and now she has the last laugh; not the enemy.

i went from being worried to envy to awe. worried initially for the process, envy when she shared the good news with our common friends and then i was in awe of her bravery and commitment to motherhood.

i have not done any of what she has attempted and from time to time, i question my own commitment.

i am very comfortable with us which makes me wonder if 3 will be an odd number. but there are times, when i look at us and i imagine 3 to be a winning combination.

an awesome combination.

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what is the alternative?

someone asked me recently how has freelancing being? is it good? is it better than working full time?

it made me reflect on my journey thus far as i did my best to paint an accurate picture. i didn’t want to glorify it lest she decides based on my experience. because truth be told, there are downsides to this type of work – not being able to see things from start to end, lack of ownership and little growth are some of the things that bothers me from time to time, if i give it time.

but at the same time, i look at what i have gained from this journey – the opportunity to work on different brands with different people, learning to adapt to different processes, time to breathe and live in-between gigs, being able to appreciate the chance to work and contribute – completely nulls the downsides. most importantly, i am happy. frustration doesn’t last longer than it should. i get over lack of leadership, indifference and inefficiencies a lot quicker.

the pity though is some who hire me haven’t quite figured out how best to utilize me and i myself haven’t quite figured out how best i should exploit me.

in a tiny corner of my head and perhaps even heart, i wonder what i want to do next when i am finally done with this type of work or even lifestyle. it has been three years with 6 months of it spent on full time administration. if there is a kid now, i wonder if it would make sense. but there is happy me and that makes sense to me, only.

a friend recently shared that he lives life by reasoning – what is the alternative? i walked away from the conversation wanting to apply that to my life and recently had the chance to do so – do i accept the extension of the current gig? what is the alternative to that – not work and use up the tiny stack of fifty dollars i have managed to save from the last gig.

that was easy wasn’t it?

but the question now really is, what is the alternative to these freelance gigs?