lame.

i am feeling so restless now that even the word restless doesn’t even quite cut it. i just want to be out there walking. just walking. there are tons of emotions inside of me that wants to get out so bad and i am not giving them a chance to. i don’t know how. i don’t know where to start. i feel like screaming. i can feel myself breathing hard. i am trying to drown them with music. i think just walking 10 steps will help. i think some sun will be good for me. maybe i should get out there and run. in this weather we are experiencing right now, running will be brilliant. i don’t think i will make it back. i would die.

so mustard didn’t happen though i was sure it is happening. don’t know what went wrong. am i disappointed? yeah just a bit. why? because its nice to be able to say we got it right at first go. what does that do for us? nothing. maybe an ego boost. is that important? at the end of the day, errr NO. did i cry? yeah forced some tears. forced? why forced? so that i will feel normal.

no wonder my sister says i am lame. i am. or maybe just restless.

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